What to do with this Atlanta Braves hat?
Like some critter in an ill-fated Jon Klassen book, I bought this hat.
I tried on this hat and looked like a scruffy Elmer Fudd.
The hat is too tall. The more I pull it down, however, the more my ears stretch into butterfly wings. The hat is, well, it’s too tall.
I can wear this hat as a blindfold.
I bought this hat for the postseason. The Atlanta Braves got bounced in four games by the Philadelphia Phillies. Attaboy.
The NLCS is currently happening. The World Series will be here soon. I don’t know what to do with this hat.
I’m not sure why I ordered a hat that wasn’t even in the team’s traditional colors. Guess I’m a risk taker.
Maybe I will wear this hat in the Spring. I am, after all, one of those Opening Day and postseason fans.
Who has time for 162 games? I have kids and a job. I know what matters.
What I’m really trying to say is that when a reporter reports on the trash you were talking, well, you just look the world in the eye and say, yeah, you know what, I said that.
I said, Attaboy Harper!
But this Atlanta Braves team didn’t look the world in the eye. They didn’t face the consequences, which in this case would be Bryce Harper’s throat-slashing wrath, but in the world of Jon Klassen would have been a bear or a much bigger fish. They just tried to disown the situation, which is similar but not the same. And now all I have is this hat and 90 days to decide whether or not to keep it.
